It's In The Way You Say It
by Donna Thomson
We all know that the clothes we wear are an expression of ourselves and we can dress up or dress down for different occasions. But did you realise that your speech and tone of voice are just as important when making an impression and expressing yourself?
I'll begin by sharing a poem about the impact tone of voice can have on others...
"THE TONE OF VOICE"
It's not so much what you say,
as the manner in which you say it;
It's not so much the language you use,
as the tone in which you convey it.
"Come here", I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
"Come here", I said he looked and smiled,
And straight to my lap he crept.
Words may be mild and fair,
But the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air,
But the tone may break my heart;
For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art,
But tone leaps from the inner self,
Revealing the state of heart.
Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,
Envy, anger are there.
Then, would you quarrels avoid
and peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words,
Keep it out of your voice.
by Anonymous
TONE OF VOICE
The Institute for Management Excellence [1] states that your tone of voice is 38% effective in getting your message across while the words are only 7% effective! (The other 55% are non-verbal cues.) A good illustration of this is when a parent reads to a child. The child will be most attentive when mum or dad uses a range of exciting voices, from high-pitched to low growly sounds. I've actually heard of parents reading their own adult-level books in story-book voices to entertain their child and stimulate their own mind at the same time. While I don't necessarily recommend parents do this, it's a good illustration that how it's said is more important than what is said.
When you interact with others, your tone of voice will change according to who you are talking to and why. Sales companies understand the importance of voice and specifically train their staff in how to effectively use their voice to more successfully sell their ideas or products. Sales people are generally encouraged to speak in a warm, upbeat, clear and controlled voice.
Think about someone that speaks passionately in contrast to someone who speaks in dull or flat tones. The first suggests confidence, friendliness, excitement, knowledge and action. The latter suggests a lack of confidence, disinterest and boredom. These considerations are not only important in business. It's just as important to consider how your voice makes an impression on friends and family.
Your voice can suggest mocking or reveal nervousness and emotion. A louder voice can suggest confidence and enthusiasm or it can give off a feeling of dominance, making others fearful or intimidated. Even a whisper can be projected as a comforting statement of encouragement or a deathly threat. Anger may be evident when someone shouts, screams or uses a low gruff scowl while sadness may be evident via a waver in the voice, softly spoken words or a high involuntary trill. As you can see, the tone you use to express yourself can have many meanings and many consequences.
The way a person voices their message can sometimes provide the listener with clues that indicate whether or not the speaker is telling the truth! This is because (as the above poem mentions) your tone of voice reflects your attitude or 'inner self'.
The Physiology of Vocal Tone
When air passes through your vocal cords they vibrate and these vibrations travel into cavities in your head. The cavities of your head and neck act as resonators (similar to how a guitar works) and, subsequently, shape the quality of your voice. Changing the size and shape of your oral cavity (by moving your lips, your tongue, your lower jaw, or your soft palate) will effect how your voice sounds. [2]
PITCH
If you feel your voice is too high, too low, or too monotonous, you can practice increasing the range of tones in your voice. High pitched voices can be hard on the ears so it's worth practicing speaking at a lower octave as deeper voices sound more professional too. This is why radio announcers and news readers are trained to speak in a lower voice and slower manner. On the other hand, if you have a very deep voice you may need to ensure that you are speaking clearly, as low tones can disappear and people may find it hard to hear what you are saying. Projection is valuable in this regard - see the tips at the end of this article.
WORD CHOICE
To further develop the impression you make on other people, you might want to consider your choice of words. Speech can also convey different messages depending on your choice of words. Of course in professional situations you would refrain from using slang and profanities, but it's also the more common words that can make a difference. For instance, informal speech (such as when you are socialising with friend s and family) will generally consist of more contractions, e.g. 'don't', 'you're', 'they're', 'we'd', 'it's' and 'mustn't'. On the other hand, formal speech (such as giving a lecture, addressing a meeting, or communicating with clients) should consist of very few, if any, contractions, e.g. saying 'do not' rather than 'don't and 'it is' rather than 'it's'.
If you speak formally in a casual situation you may give an impression that you are not at ease or cannot relax around your friends. Likewise, if you speak too casually in formal situations you may be considered disrespectful and unprofessional. So word choice is an important part of the vocal impression you make upon the world.
EMPHASIS
We can also create different impressions by emphasising particular words. Read the following sentences, each time placing emphasis on the highlighted word. You'll notice that doing this can change the 'feel' or 'intention' of the same set of words:
"Do we have to go to the shops today?"
(This suggests that the speaker doesn't want to attend the outing with the other person.)
"Do we have to go to the shops today?"
(This suggests that the speaker would rather go to a different location.)
"Do we have to go to the shops today?"
(This questions whether the outing is compulsory.)
"Do we have to go to the shops today?"
(This suggests that another day may be preferred.)
Or with no inflection at all:
"Do we have to go to the shops today?"
(This sound more like a confirmation statement where the speaker wishes to clarify that they are going to the shops today.)
By now you may be visualising an actor in front of a mirror practicing a line over and over again, experimenting with a variety of inflections, emphases and tones to convey the most appropriate message. We too can benefit from being more mindful of how we express ourselves through our speech, though we would only go to the lengths of practicing in front of the mirror if we were specifically analysing the way we speak or preparing for an important speech or lecture.
IMPROVING YOUR VOICE
Everyone is born with a particular voice but you are certainly not 'stuck' with it for life. If you feel your voice could be improved in general or in relation to your job, you can always work to improve it.
Benefits of improving your voice
Improving your tone of voice has many benefits - not only in the impact you will have on others, but also the changes that will happen within yourself. As anyone who is quiet and shy will recognise, the quietness of voice can reflect inhibition and a lack of self-confidence. Working on your voice may in fact become an emotional journey as deeper issues of expression come to the surface. Learning how to project your voice, and therefore project yourself, can build your confidence and empower you, giving you a new lease on life!
For people who are usually outspoken and use loud, boisterous tones, developing your speech into a more even and 'controlled' tone can help you develop a greater sense of personal control within yourself as you practice mindfulness and calmness.
Of course the aim is not to change your whole personality - you are who you are and it would be a boring world if we all spoke the same and in mid-tones. However, we can develop our voice to increase the range of options available to use through our voice and speech and to perhaps learn to assert ourselves more effectively when needed.
How to Improve your Voice
RECORD YOUR VOICE - Start by recording your voice and playing it back to yourself so you can identify areas you may want to work on. What message do you get from the way you are speaking? Does your voice sound strong or weak? You can work on bringing desired qualities into your speech and make new recordings to listen to your progress. Try placing the recorder a distance away from you to practice projecting your voice - see more about projection below.
POSTURE - Posture also affects your voice. There's a strategy I use if I need to be assertive over the telephone (but it could may also work in person) and that is to stand up straight because it gives you an aura of confidence. Using a straight posture while sitting or standing also has a physical effect on your voice because it opens your airways and allows your diaphragm to move it's full range.
SMILE - Smiling while you speak gives off a warmness and friendliness. Smiling doesn't only affect you psychologically. When you smile, the soft palate at the back of your mouth raises and makes the sound waves more fluid.
DRINK WATER - If you do a lot of talking during the day due to you job (e.g. a phone-related or sales job), drinking lots of water will keep your voice sounding smooth because it lubricates your vocal chords. You may also need to reduce your intake of caffeinated drinks as they have a diuretic effect.
BREATHE DEEPLY - Any voice can be improved by pausing and breathing. Shallow breathing constricts your vocal chords and your voice will sound strained and higher. This often happens when we are stressed. So use slow, long and deep breaths to relax your vocal chords which will in turn bring your pitch down and make you sound calmer.
USE YOUR MOUTH & THROAT - The wider you open your mouth and throat, the better tone you get. Do this along with slower breathing to release tension and project your voice without straining or pushing. You can also practice using your tongue, teeth and lips to more effectively articulate your consonants.
INCREASE YOUR VOLUME & INFLECTION - Practice speaking in a louder voice (but not too loud) and increase your inflection so that what you say has a variety of tones and sounds enthusiastic rather than sounding monotone and boring. If you have a child you can read to, reading children's books with a range of character voices will help you develop this skill.
PROJECT YOUR VOICE - If you need to speak to a large audience without a microphone, you will need to know how to project your voice. In fact, projection is also useful when using a microphone as it will magnify a projected voice more clearly. You may also wish to learn to project your voice if you are a quiet speaker or have a low tone of voice.
Projecting your voice does not entail shouting because when you shout, you don't have control over your voice and it will strain your vocal chords. Rather, raise the volume of your natural voice only enough to project it while maintaining control of it. Using the other tips, such as posture and deeper breathing, will also aid you in projecting your voice as your vocal chords will be more relaxed and the sound can travel up through you and out to the listeners rather than becoming constricted around your vocal chords. Think of it in terms of speaking longer flowing sound waves as opposed to constricted short sound waves which have no 'sustain'.
Looking down will send your voice towards the floor, so make sure that you keep your head raised and look out towards your audience, whether it is family across from you at a dinner table or students seated in an auditorium.
SING - Singing is an especially good activity for developing your voice as it integrates all of these vocal skills plus increases your vocal range.
EMULATE OTHERS - While you want to maintain your individuality and don't want to come across as copying someone else, you can find someone you feel speaks well and use them as a model for improving your own voice. Take note of the qualities you like and work on adding them gradually to your own speech. It would be ideal to have a recording of the person speaking so you could use it as a training tool and speak along with it.
You can do all of these things in the confines of your own home, but you may prefer to go to a vocal or singing coach to further develop your vocal skills and receive feedback to achieve your goals.
If you would like to download an audio recording program for your computer - I recommend Audacity as it's FREE. The only thing you will need is a microphone which you may already have if you use an online messenger program.
Hopefully you'll be talking up a storm in no time!
References
[1] The Institute for Management Excellence - www.itstime.com/aug97.htm
[2] Improving Your Voice Quality Can Improve Your Career by Judith Earley - www.lawcrossing.com/article/index.php?id=2887