Losing Jesjes - Grieving the Loss of a Pet
by Bridget Joyce
Our pets are as important as any other member of the family. They love us, they show us support, they are a friendly ear when we need to talk. They help us and they heal us.
You are about to read a personal account of how Bridget dealt with the loss of her closest friend - her dog Jesjes. Bridget suffers from the debilitating effects of Multiple Sclerosis and Jesjes was a particularly huge part of her life and her constant companion. Losing her had an acute effect on Bridget and we humbly thank her for taking the time to share her touching story with us. In order to do so, Bridget battled through the pain of the MS and the grief of losing Jesjes in the hopes that it would help others.
From Bridget...
Hello.
I am going to share how my life changed from the 9th of January 2007. On that day I lost my best friend and soul mate. We would have been celebrating her 15th birthday in April 2007 but it was not to be. On Monday the 8th of January I noticed that my Jesjes was not herself. Both of us went to bed mid-morning. Jesjes sat down at my feet (she liked it there) and at around 11am she turned her head towards me and let out a painful cry (I still hear it in my head and see her eyes glaze over). I phoned my vet, Dot (she is also a friend of ours) and she was here in 3 minutes. Jesjes had a stroke, but it is very unusual for a dog to have strokes. Jesjes was put on medication to reduce the swelling. I put Jesjes back on the bed and Dot said she would be back at 5pm with medication for high blood pressure, saying that Jesjes would have to be on them for, life - little did I know just how short her life would be from that moment onwards.
I was not on my own, as my son, Keith, came and stayed with us and worked from here. I went to bed to be with my darling and she came up to me and put her head on my lap (I believe that she was saying goodbye to me then). She was changing. Her head was getting boney looking. I saw or more to the point felt she was going soon. Keith and I spoke of this in the kitchen and I said "If Jesjes is like this tomorrow, I will do the kindest thing for her (the hardest for me)." I wanted her buried here at home, but Keith believed that it may be worth considering cremation so that I can have her with me wherever I go. That way if I sell up and move she would not be left here. I said "Let us go for the cremation."
I then went back to my sweetheart Jesjes. She was laying on the part of the bed where I had been laying so I just moved in beside her so that she and I were arm in arm, so to speak. When Dot came that evening, Keith left and Dot gave meds to Jesjes. Jesjes got sick so we changed the bedding and brought her into the TV room. She was on her day bed. She was very quiet and would not take water so I got a spoon and put the water into her. She then did move to the yard and there she was sick again and had the runs. I was scared then.
She came back in and lay back on her bed. I moved her bed near the lounge where I could lay down beside her. Now and again she would let out a cry. I could do nothing for her except rub her and speak to her of how much I love her. The last time I looked at the clock was Tuesday 9th at 6am. I closed my eyes and woke up at 7.45am and put my head on Jesjes. She was gone - gone home. When she passed away we were side by side just as we always were in life - always together. We were hardly ever apart from each other.
My baby left me. I was so distressed. I phoned Keith and Dot (my vet). Dot said that Jesjes left while I was asleep; that she waited for me to sleep (maybe making it easier for me). I also phoned a friend of mine to let her know. Keith came and said that all the arrangements had been made and that Jesjes will be taken away at about 11am. The time came and I did not have the strength to watch them take her away.
She is no longer here. She has gone to be taken care of by her spirit friends and God. She is now out of pain and at peace. It was the opposite for me though. I was a big mess. I did not know where to go. I walked all over the house finding little evidences of Jesjes; the car had some of her hair in it, the wall where she liked to sit had her mark on it and will not be removed. Thursday came and she was brought back home in a gold urn with a gold chain and her name Jessie on it (that is the name she was given first, but I gave her the name Jesjes - my pet name).
Days turned into weeks and each and every day I cried all day long. I could not sleep or eat. I could not get any peace. I knew she would go at some stage but I was hoping that we may go together. How childish these thoughts I had. I got on the internet too, to see if I could find someone who could comfort me - maybe find a medium to contact my darling - anything to bring me some comfort.
Dealing with the grief
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I started finding ways to deal with the grief. Right after Jesjes went home, I gathered all of her photos and picked out many I love. I would look at them and remember the happy day we had when the photo was taken.
I made a sort of a shrine to Jesjes. I have her urn and the little things she played with. One has a dog's face on it and when it moves, it expresses some words. I placed it up on the top shelf. It spoke one day when no one was here and nothing could have made it move.
I have a table on the verandah with two photos; one with Jesjes and I sitting on the ground together and she was kissing me. I had that one enlarged as it showed her love for me. I light candles where the photos are. I light them during the early morning, on Tuesdays and at night for her.
I looked to Ronnee for a reading (thank you Ronnee for your comfort) and she was able to connect with Jesjes. She also mentioned some things that I had already started to do, so we were both on the right page with this. I began a 'Dear Jesjes' journal and would write whatever I wished in it, how I feel, and if something good or funny happened, I'd write it down. I used to speak to Jesjes everyday when she was with me and I still do. She used to love going in the car and would get excited when I would put my perfume on before going out, so now I tell her how she can come into the stores with me now where she couldn't before.
I got a puppy - not to replace Jesjes, but for company for me as I live on my own. The ritual of having the table dedicated to Jesjes helps me as well as writing 'Dear Jesjes'. Speaking with her as if she was with me in the flesh helps me. I still have my days where I cry. That is ok. It's important to be around people who will support/listen to you. I avoid people who say "Get over it and get another puppy." Comments like that hurt and I never associate again with anyone who says such things. I would advise you to be 'you' in all the ways you are. Don't be ashamed to feel the grief. Stick with the people who have evolved; those who have spiritual understanding. Don't allow yourself to have a stiff upper lip. Grief is a natural state - go with it. You will find that each day you can get through. I look at the videos of her being happy and listen to the tape of her soft snore as she slept. I find it very comforting for me. Take each day at a time.
When she connected with Jesjes, Ronnee discovered that Jesjes was worried about how upset I was and she was spending a lot of time around me trying to help soothe me instead of focusing on what happy adventures she could have on the other side. I learned that it's important to try and live how you would like your loved ones to be when it is your time to return home. It's also good to hold onto the humour. I remembered the funny things associated with Jesjes such as how I would joke about her ordering her new coat from Myers when she was shedding her hair and how my son joked that she was the "most photographed bitch in the world" because I took loads of photos and even video of her.
I contacted a website (www.the-dhn.com) which gives free healing for your pet. I let them know on Monday of Jesjes's condition and I got the response that they were sending healing to Jesjes. I made a friend through my contact with them and she helped me through the pain. We keep in touch nearly daily and when Jesjes passed away, I received tons of emails from all parts of the world sending healing for both Jesjes and I. They also do the same for humans.
I get a lot of comfort out of reading "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch. The three books are like my bible, they are helping so much. I wrote to the email address that was on there and got a beautiful reply telling me that we are all part of God and Jesjes is as one with the universe. He gave me a beautiful poem called 'Rainbow Bridge'. Nobody knows who wrote it but it brought me much comfort.
I know that Jesjes will be happy playing and eating chicken (which is her favourite) and loves being free from all of the pain. One day, suddenly as she is playing with the group of her friends, she will stop and look and run as fast as she can and she will see me and we will both go over the rainbow bridge together, never to be apart again.