by Ronnee

It's been a while....no, a long while since I meditated and the Guides have been at me for ages to do so. I have been very naughty. I intended to, but something always got in the way.

Truth is, I have moments where I don't feel entirely balanced or complete if I don't connect with them now and then. The times that I do connect with the Guides are very relaxing and healing. I thought about this as I began to meditate today. Ironically, it turned out that it was not the connection with my guides I needed but the connection with someone else that I usually seem to overlook as many of us do.

The Meditation

My meditation began with an image of sandstone steps in a soft peach colour with sandstone sides that come up just the right size to place a hand on. It is a warm, sunny day and I feel like the steps resemble the structures of ancient Greece. I can almost feel columns nearby.

As I begin to climb the steps, I look up just in time to see a bluebird fly past and as it does, in that fleeting moment, I wish it would fly to me. It does and it lands on the side of the sandstone steps just ahead of me. It hops around prettily and looks at me, chirping softly as if it is talking to me. There is no doubt in my mind that this bird is aware of my presence and is communicating with me. I wished I could understand what it was saying, but I could feel that its comment was light, happy and friendly...almost inquisitive. All of a sudden I do understand what it is saying and it is asking why I am here.

Needing permission to have love and healing

I realized that I could not answer that question. I was seeking something, but what? A message? direction? enlightenment?...yes, all of those I suppose, but they didn't feel quite right. There was something else. I take a moment to explore my feelings. My answer comes to me. I am seeking to connect with the Guides and to feel their loving, healing presence. No, I feel as if I need healing. I do not know what I need the healing for. I feel as if it is something small and deep inside or something from a long time ago...something that does not take up my conscious thoughts, but sits in my gut and in my subconscious.

The bird chirps at me and I hear 'you may pass'. Incredible! I wasn't even aware that I needed his permission. he's the cutest, sweetest little bird but he had such power as to grant or deny me permission to go forward. A good lesson in never judging a book by its cover, methinks.

I continue up the steps which turn out to be at the base of a bridge. The bridge is also sandstone and as I reach the top of it, beautiful water appears beneath it, so still that it perfectly reflects the blue sky and fluffy clouds above. On the other side of the bridge is a charming city of square and rectangle sandstone buildings in a variety of pinks, peaches and corals. All mixing beautifully.

Seeking but not seeing

I approach the end of the bridge and begin to feel as if I will be met there. I arrive and there is a young boy with dark hair, dark skin and light coloured robes. He has a thin stick in his hand and uses it to gently guide a goat that is with him. An elderly gentleman in robes with a striped long vest over the top is also there. He doesn't acknowledge me really, although I feel he is aware of me, whereas the boy looks at me with a big smile showing perfect white teeth. Such a lovely, warm, welcoming smile. I feel a slight grumpiness coming from the old man as if he has no interest in me. But I am not fooled. I am unsure why I am being tested, but I feel that I am. The boy is beautiful and welcoming and attentive, but it is the man I am to address.

As I move towards him and hold out my hands, palm up (not sure why I did this, it must be a greeting) I see his eyes more clearly in the shade of his face. They are very alert and clear...lots of intelligence in those eyes. I expect him to smile and say that I have done well. He does not. He grunts at me in acknowledgement and roughly points away from him towards the city as if to say 'You go first.' I look at the boy as I walk away and he smiles at me as if something funny just happened.

Why do I have the feeling that I'm missing something here?

Quenching my thirst

I have no idea where I am to go and the old man was not going to tell me so I begin to walk down the road that is in front of me. Along the way I got very thirsty and stopped at a small building that looked like a cafe with a table and chair out the front. A man came to me with a jug of crystal clear, refreshing water. You know the kind that you see in the advertisements, chilled just perfectly with condensation dripping down the sides. I drank some and felt better. It was amazing! It was wonderful! Cooling, refreshing, and delicious!

I realize after a moment that I am expecting something more, but what? I expect something to happen but it does not, so I continue walking.

The King and The Snake

Soon I see the end of the road ahead. It leads to a pool of water with some palms around it and a leopard of all things, sitting relaxed by the water. He doesn't move much; Just sits there still, holding his head up in a regal way. His tail is the only thing that moves, twitching now and then. The King (when did I decide he was a King? Oh well, he must be then) is not facing me directly, but he only needs to shift his eyes without moving his head and he will be able to look at me.

There is so much water, plenty to swim in and drink. I feel like I want to sit near the water and run my fingers through it. I will need to sit near The King to do that and I am a little concerned about crowding him or being where I should not belong, but he does not stop me. He is sitting still and calm but I feel as if he is waiting for something to happen.

A snake appears on the other side of the pool of water and he is definitely focused on me. I don't feel as if he has any bad intentions like attacking me and he shows no anger or threat, but I am still cautious of him where I did not feel the same caution with The King. The snake is headed towards me, that much is clear. He is a green colour with a beautiful pattern and he heads straight into the water and over to me. I begin to wonder if I will need to move. The King however does not seem concerned so I take my cue from him and stay put.

The snake gets to my side. He slides over my knee and begins to circle around me looking at me as if he is sizing me up. "What is it you are looking for?" I ask the snake.

He continues his circling of me and comes around in front of me, rising up to look me in the eyes. I see compassion in his eyes and his tongue flicks in and out. He says in a snakey but kind soft, wispy voice "I seek from you, that which you seek from us. I seek to connect with the guide and the healer." I see the King's head move and he looks into my eyes. I look at him and suddenly realize that he is the old man who was at the bridge. I see it in his eyes.

I feel a little confused at first, wondering in what way I am meant to help the snake. But he corrects me. "So often many seek from without what they have within. We all have it in us to love ourselves and yet we look for this love from others. We have it in us to heal ourselves and yet we ask for it from others. This is okay. This is good to ask, but we must also ask it of ourselves. We must have the balance. Do not ask of others what you are not willing to ask of yourself. Do not give to others what you are not giving to yourself. Always ensure the balance."

So it is not me who should help them or them who should help me. It is I who should help Myself. I suddenly feel like I am in the presence of two very wise Guides and I also feel like I got my answer. Although they are there for me, I always have the healing and the love within me and so I am never without the ability to heal and love myself. I simply need to practice it.

I think for a moment about how I can do that and a few ideas come to me. Then I hear some words which were not from the snake, but from the leopard. He did not move his mouth. The voice came into my head. It was a deep, caring voice but strong. He said "Be kind to yourself."

I know that when we are rushing through our day to day routines, we can at times feel like we need love and healing because we forget to be kind to ourselves. We also sometimes forget to look within ourselves for that love and healing. When we look to others to quench our thirst for love or for healing, we get it; but sometimes we can expect more or may need more than others can give. This was what the glass of water represented.

Of course the bird represented something within me. I had to recognize that it is okay to give to myself what I give to everyone else and I needed to give myself permission to go ahead and be kind to myself.

The big pool of water from which I could drink and swim, represents the love and healing we can find inside ourselves and often forget to. There is so much more to have...as much as you need... if you look within.